I have been living in baby land for a few weeks now and while the second time around keeps me on my toes even more working to balance my attention for two children, there are still many moments of slowness and quietness. In the middle of the night while feeding a newborn can sometimes feel a little lonely so I pray. I talk to God and tell Him me fears and desires and prayers for friends and family and in my experience in my neediest moments is when God really talks to me.
I find when I come home from the hospital with a newborn all of my emotions are intense and close to the surface which makes them hard to ignore, this includes anxiety and fears and in this time I really rely on God.
For the most part God gives me a lot of comfort and encouragement through His word and the various bible teachers I follow but every once in awhile I will receive guidance and correction for an area I am not ready to hand over yet. I have experienced God's awesome blessings that follow my obedience to His guidance in my life, so why is obedience so difficult for me at times.
I would describe myself as someone who is independent and would prefer to rely only on myself. When God asks me to hand something over to Him, so He can work out the best solution for me, I sometimes meet the request with my excuses and hesitations.
Trust, hope and belief that things will work out for the best is just plain hard sometimes, especially if they don't align with my own plans. So I am wrestling with a few things right now and trying to give them over to God so He can use them for His glory. In these times of uncertainty I also search Gods word even more, I want to know more details, the full plan and how everything is going to pan out and even as I write this post, I want to offer a conclusion that ties this story in a nice little bow but I also know, its not my job to have all the answers, which is a bummer.
So there is no bow and perfect ending, this is just something I am going through right now. Have you experienced anything similar, if so what did you learn during that time?